Archive for the ‘Conflict Resolution’ Category

Reducing Holiday Stress: Say “No” to Get to “Yes,” Plus 2 Days Left   Leave a comment

Dear Friends,

Do you find it easy to say “Yes,” to others’ requests, but hard to say “Yes” to yourself?

Do you have a vision or intention for how to spend your holidays, but get hijacked by requests that you have a hard time saying “No” to?

The holidays can be a time of joy and cheer, as well as elicit feelings of stress and pressure.

While we may enjoy all that the holidays offer as we attend parties and other events; decorate our homes; shop for special gifts; visit friends and travel to see relatives and; make our favorite holiday recipes, among other festivities, we can also feel stretched and experience a strain on our time, energy, and financial reserves.

We may rationalize our decision to forgo our own needs, because we don’t want to offend our friends and family members, or risk disapproval from those we love or value.

But saying “No” provides an opportunity for others to grow, and care for themselves, and respect your personal needs.

Here are seven tips, and related questions, to help you gain clarity and take care of yourself this holiday season:

1. Take Inventory

– When are you saying “Yes” when you would rather say “No?”

– Are there particular circumstances or people who present a challenge?

2.  Be Mindful

– How does it feel in your body when you say “Yes” instead of “No?”

– Pay attention to stress and tension.

3.  Is what you fear will happen really true?

– How do you know?

– Is what you’re afraid of happening absolutely true?

– Regardless of what has happened in the past, this is a new moment.

– How can you take care of yourself if what you’re afraid of actually happens?

4.  What is saying “Yes” costing you?

– Are you tired and forfeiting rest?

– Do you have the financial resources to travel or buy expensive presents?

– Do you want to attend the events you’ve been invited to, or go out of obligation and later feel angry or resentful?

– What other costs might there be?

5.  Are you willing to pay the price?

– If you’re answer is “Yes,” do so with awareness. What will the payoffs be?

– If your answer is “No,” what could you do instead” (See #6 below)

6.  Saying “No” takes practice

– If you’re feeling nervous about expressing yourself, you may find it helpful to write down what it is you want to say.

– Then practice with a friend, a coach, or even in the mirror!

7.  Moving Forward

– What qualities do you need to grow inside yourself in order to feel comfortable setting healthy boundaries?

– Reflect on a time you were presented with a challenge and took care of yourself by setting a healthy boundary.

– Notice how the positive sensations feel in your body, and let the feelings flow through you.

– You can also think about how you felt – perhaps you felt a sense of confidence, or felt secure or empowered.

– Let the good feelings soak in as you stay with the experience for five to 20 seconds.

As always, I would love to hear from you.

With love,

Theresa

If you found today’s post helpful, please comment and share.

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Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, Workshop Facilitator, and author with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  

 

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Just Say “No”   Leave a comment

“Although it may feel uncomfortable to think about saying no, it’s important to remember that each time you say yes to someone, or something else, you say no to you and your priorities.” – Oprah Winfrey

We want to be kind. We want to be loved. We want to give because it feels good, and we want to be generous with our gifts, talents, abilities and time. But how often do we say “yes” to requests from friends, colleagues, family members, and others, when we know, within our heart of hearts, that it means taking time away from caring for ourselves?

Saying “no” can conjure up feelings of guilt and shame, because we may think it’s self-centered, and be afraid that others may judge us. But people learn how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.

Giving and receiving is an art of balance. But how can we achieve it? Change begins with awareness. Are you aware of how often you say “yes” when you would rather say “no?” The answer may surprise you!

THIS WEEK’S TNT

This week, make not of how many times you say “yes,” when you would rather say “no.”

Keep a record in a small notebook or make a list on your phone.

Notice how you feel when you say “yes” to something you don’t want to do.

Do you feel resentful, angry, frustrated, stressed, or exhausted?

Your body is giving you clues!

At the end of the week, add up the number of entries in your notebook.

Then,  make a list of five things you would like to say “no” to.

Start with something small.

You don’t need to explain or justify yourself.

Don’t know what to say?

Here’s a rule of thumb you can follow:

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. But don’t say it mean.

Learning to say “no” takes practice. But you can learn how to say it.

The more you practice, the easier it will become.

You will feel better, and while some relationships may fall away, others will deepen and grow.

As always, I would love to hear your comments about how this week’s TNT worked for you and what it is you discovered.

With love, Theresa

If would you found this week’s TNT helpful, and would like to support my ongoing work, please visit my Virtual Tip Jar at PayPal.  It’s here:
 paypal.me/Reconnecting2You

Is there a goal or dream you would like to fulfill and would like support in moving forward? It would be my pleasure to speak with you. Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. Available internationally by Skype and U.S. telephone.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

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To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool): It’s Okay   Leave a comment

“When you finally accept that it’s okay not to have answers, and it’s okay not to be perfect, you realize that feeling confused is a normal part of what it is to be human.”  – Winona Ryder

It’s okay to feel how we feel.

It’s okay if you feel afraid.

It’s okay if you feel lonely.

It’s okay if you feel frustrated.

It’s okay if you feel angry.

It’s okay if you feel resentful.

It’s okay if you feel like things aren’t working out the way you planned.

It’s okay…

When we accept, rather than resist, how we feel,  we make room for the feelings to shift, and for peace and balance to follow.

 

THIS WEEK’S TNT:

When you are feeling upset or tense, notice the sensations in your body.

Do you have a headache?

Are you experiencing pain in your neck, back, or shoulders?

Do your muscles feel tight?

Are you clenching your jaw?

Does your stomach hurt?

Are you experiencing other physical or emotional symptoms?

Take a deep breath and acknowledge your feelings.

It’s the first step on your path to recovery.

Acknowledging your feelings will help you reconnect to yourself, and allow solutions to follow.

As always, I would love to hear your comments about how this week’s TNT worked for you and what it is you discovered.

With love, Theresa

If would you like to support my ongoing work, please visit my Virtual Tip Jar at PayPal.  It’s here:
 paypal.me/Reconnecting2You


Are you in transition?

Would you like help addressing an issue you’ve been grappling with?

Is there a goal or dream you would like to fulfill and would like support in moving forward? It would be my pleasure to speak with you. Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. Available internationally by Skype and U.S. telephone.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

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To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?   2 comments

“Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.” – Hafez

I was first introduced to the question “Would you rather be right or happy?” as a student of A Course in Miracles back in the 1980’s. It was a profound turning point, and changed the way I viewed my relationships and my perceptions of life.

The mind is riddled with judgment and loves to be right, which creates conflict within ourselves and our personal and global relationships.

The state of the world, and the stress we experience, often stem from our thoughts and perceptions. What would happen if we suspended our judgments for just one day and created space to listen and understand one another? To find common ground? And extend love and compassion to ourselves instead of comparing what we have and who we are to others?

Suspending judgment doesn’t mean we accept the status quo or don’t change what isn’t working when our human needs for love and security are neglected. Rather, it calls for questioning whether our judgments and opinions about ourselves, and others, are accurate.

Our happiness resides within and is waiting to be found. Let’s discover it!

THIS WEEKS TNT

Choose one day during the week to experiment.

Stop at regular intervals during the day to take note of your thoughts and perceptions.

Choose an activity that you engage in throughout the day to serve as a reminder to stop and observe what you are thinking.

Take a breath and notice any stress or discomfort in your body as you take note of your thoughts.

Ask yourself if the thought or perception is accurate.

Is it based on the past or the present?

Is it yours or someone else’s?

How else can you view the situation?

What, if any changes, are you aware of?

As always, I would love to hear your comments about how this week’s TNT worked for you and what it is you discovered.

With love,

Theresa

Are you in transition?

Is there a goal or dream you would like to fulfill and would like support in moving forward? It would be my pleasure to speak with you. Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. Available internationally by Skype and U.S. telephone.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

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To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Affirmations: The Power of Our Words   Leave a comment

“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” – Oprah Winfrey

Although we may be accustomed to thinking that our minds and bodies are separate entities, the truth is that they are intimately connected and have an effect on our behaviors and our experience of the world.

For instance, let’s say you have a conflict with a co-worker or family member and are uncomfortable addressing it.  Here’s how the scenario might go:

Thought: I am afraid of conflict.

Feeling: Fear, anxiety, resentment

Behavior: Avoidance, aggression

Physical response: Shallow breathing, stomach pain, tight muscles

When we change our thinking, we change how we feel about the situation or person, which then alters our behavior and how we physically feel.

In my workshop, Developing a New Relationship with Your Body, I facilitate a kinesiology exercise that proves the point.  I ask a volunteer to come to the front of the room and extend their dominant arm in a horizontal position. I then ask them to resist my pressure as I press down on their wrist and test their strength. They always test quite strong.

Next, I ask them to close their eyes and repeat the phrase “I am weak and helpless” 10 times. (I always do the counting!) When done, I ask them to extend the same arm and I retest their strength. The volunteers’ arms, without fail, become weak and fall limply by their sides. The class is always quite astonished.

In the final phase of the exercise, I ask the volunteers to repeat the statement “I am strong and powerful” 10 times, with eyes closed, and instruct them to soak in the good feelings. I then retest their strength. It sometimes takes volunteers a few tries to regain their original strength (such is the power of our negativity bias), but they always do, and often feel much stronger then they did at the beginning of the demonstration.

Affirmations are a powerful way to change our mindsets and improve our lives.  In my upcoming book, “Alphabet Affirmations: Transform Your Live and Love Yourself,” I provide 78 empowering affirmations to help you create a more joyful and healthy life. Pre-orders are coming soon!

In the meantime, try the following experiment:

THIS WEEK’S TNT

Pick a day to pay attention to your thinking.

Make note of your dominant thoughts.

Notice how you feel.

Choose one thought that diminishes your sense of well-being.

Write an affirmative statement to refocus your thinking.

Soak in the good feelings.

Notice any difference.

Use the affirmation as often as needed.

As always, I would love to hear your comments.

With love,

Theresa

Is there a goal or dream you would like to fulfill and would like support in moving forward? It would be my pleasure to speak with you. Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. Available internationally by Skype and U.S. telephone.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

 

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Generosity   Leave a comment

“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we are not extending in the present.” – Marianne Williamson

Life constantly shows us our level of generosity.  We may experience a sense of lack and limitation, or feel generous and abundant, all within the same set of circumstances. Our responses depend upon our beliefs and perceptions, at any given moment. The good news is, the more aware we are of our reactions and behaviors, the more at choice we are to change.

Withholding love in all its forms is painful. It stems from fear and gets in the way of giving and receiving, which is our natural state of being. Withholding love can show up in myriad ways: we may feel anger or resentful; jealous or inferior; judgmental or confused; greedy or deprived; selfish or unkind; or experience numerous other emotions! Paradoxically, the more we give, the more bountiful our lives – when done with kindness and magnanimity.

If you would like to experience greater love and abundance in your life, extend your generosity!

This Weeks TNT:

Notice the places you hold back from giving. It may be as simple as not loaning a stranger your pen! Or not sharing your time, resources or experience.

Do the same with receiving. Notice how open you are to accept the generosity of others.

Be aware of how you feel in your body.  Are you comfortable with giving and receiving? Or do you feel tense and uneasy? Notice how you feel without judgment, to the degree that you are able.

If you would like to increase your level of generosity, ask yourself how you would like to feel and what you would like to do when given the opportunity to do it. You most certainly will have another chance! Little by little, you will expand your capacity!

As always, I would love to hear your experience and comments.

With love, Theresa

Do you have a dream or goal you would like to realize? Or would like support with a personal issue? Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

 

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) More Will Be Revealed   Leave a comment

Dear Friends,

I began writing “this week’s” blog last week. Like many of you, my emotions have been up and down after last Tuesday’s election. After a tumultuous campaign season, although it’s only been a week since the election, it feels more like years.

I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primary.  Perhaps you did, as well, or were a Hillary or Trump supporter.  Regardless of who we voted for, one thing is certain – we share a common goal – our desire for love, contentment and happiness is universal.

I am dismayed by the violence of protestors – whether they be for or against Donald Trump. The emotions we are experiencing – on all sides – must be channeled constructively for true and lasting change.

As I reflect on the conflict here, at home, and around the world, I can’t help but think of our brains’ primitive survival mechanism to fight or flee: an automatic response that fuels conflict and war – both interpersonal and global, when we perceive a threat. When we act on automatic pilot, we forget that we have a choice for how we respond – but it takes  but it takes discipline and effort. (Think of the last time you reacted to something a loved one said? It’s easy to let ourselves get triggered.)

So with emotions flying high, how do we reconnect – person to person – and find our common ground? How do we listen, with respect and understanding, to what our brothers and sisters are saying without getting lost in a web of fear and hate? Communication is our greatest ally, when we allow ourselves to listen to what one another is saying – underneath the rhetoric.

What goes up must come down. Change is a never ending cycle. Call me naive, but what we perceive as the worst-case scenario now, can bring deep healing and change in the future. As spiritual leaders have told us throughout the centuries, change begins within ourselves. We are not powerless, but how we use our power is essential for the good of all concerned.

Who do we wish to be in the midst of our current political climate, knowing that the energy we put out has an effect on ourselves and the world at large? Our thoughts, behaviors and emotions contribute to love or fear. What do we wish to create in spite of what others are doing?

As Martin Luther King Jr. so graciously wrote in his book Strength To Love in 1963 applies just as much, if not more, now:

“At the center of nonviolence stands then principle of love. The non-violent resister would contend that in the struggle for human dignity the oppressed people of the world must not succumb to the temptation of becoming bitter and indulging in hate campaigns. To retaliate in kind would do nothing but intensify the existence of hate in the universe. Along the way of life, someone must have the sense and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate. This can only be done by projecting the ethic of love to the center of our lives.”

As I contemplate Dr. King’s words, I feel a sense of expansion, and am filled with peace and love. If it feels right to you, I invite you to let his words resonate deep within you. And, should you feel inspired to take action on local or global issues, how do you wish to contribute? Tune in to your heart and listen. If time and resources are not within your current means, sending love is just as powerful an action as others.

In times of doubt or fear, which we are all likely to experience, here are four ways to reconnect to strength and love:

1.  Respond. When tempted to react to what you see or hear, take a breath, walk away, and take a moment to calm down. So often, in the heat of emotion, we are tempted to lash out and react, creating fear and suffering for ourselves and others. Giving yourself the time and space required to calm down will allow you to respond with greater confidence and power.

2.  Take Inspired Action. Quiet the mind and listen to your heart. Your actions will be more effective and your decisions more impactful.

3.  Develop Loving Backbone: Don’t worry about what others are doing or saying. Take a stand for the values you believe in without getting caught in a wave of emotion, blame or judgment. Let the wisdom of your inner voice guide you.

4.  Self-Care. When feeling anxious or out of sorts, ask yourself what you need to do to restore harmony and balance. Then honor yourself and take appropriate actions.

Although our state of affairs may look dire and confusing at the moment, we can only see a small fraction of the picture. More will be revealed.

With love,

Theresa

If you know someone who would find this post helpful, please share.

Would you like to experience greater joy and balance in your life? Or have a goal you desire to achieve?

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a 30-minute Complimentary Coaching Consultation. It would be a pleasure to speak with you.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

To schedule a 30-minute Complimentary Coaching Consultation to learn how you, too, can improve your health and accomplish your desires, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

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