Archive for the ‘forgiveness’ Category

Reducing Holiday Stress: Say “No” to Get to “Yes,” Plus 2 Days Left   Leave a comment

Dear Friends,

Do you find it easy to say “Yes,” to others’ requests, but hard to say “Yes” to yourself?

Do you have a vision or intention for how to spend your holidays, but get hijacked by requests that you have a hard time saying “No” to?

The holidays can be a time of joy and cheer, as well as elicit feelings of stress and pressure.

While we may enjoy all that the holidays offer as we attend parties and other events; decorate our homes; shop for special gifts; visit friends and travel to see relatives and; make our favorite holiday recipes, among other festivities, we can also feel stretched and experience a strain on our time, energy, and financial reserves.

We may rationalize our decision to forgo our own needs, because we don’t want to offend our friends and family members, or risk disapproval from those we love or value.

But saying “No” provides an opportunity for others to grow, and care for themselves, and respect your personal needs.

Here are seven tips, and related questions, to help you gain clarity and take care of yourself this holiday season:

1. Take Inventory

– When are you saying “Yes” when you would rather say “No?”

– Are there particular circumstances or people who present a challenge?

2.  Be Mindful

– How does it feel in your body when you say “Yes” instead of “No?”

– Pay attention to stress and tension.

3.  Is what you fear will happen really true?

– How do you know?

– Is what you’re afraid of happening absolutely true?

– Regardless of what has happened in the past, this is a new moment.

– How can you take care of yourself if what you’re afraid of actually happens?

4.  What is saying “Yes” costing you?

– Are you tired and forfeiting rest?

– Do you have the financial resources to travel or buy expensive presents?

– Do you want to attend the events you’ve been invited to, or go out of obligation and later feel angry or resentful?

– What other costs might there be?

5.  Are you willing to pay the price?

– If you’re answer is “Yes,” do so with awareness. What will the payoffs be?

– If your answer is “No,” what could you do instead” (See #6 below)

6.  Saying “No” takes practice

– If you’re feeling nervous about expressing yourself, you may find it helpful to write down what it is you want to say.

– Then practice with a friend, a coach, or even in the mirror!

7.  Moving Forward

– What qualities do you need to grow inside yourself in order to feel comfortable setting healthy boundaries?

– Reflect on a time you were presented with a challenge and took care of yourself by setting a healthy boundary.

– Notice how the positive sensations feel in your body, and let the feelings flow through you.

– You can also think about how you felt – perhaps you felt a sense of confidence, or felt secure or empowered.

– Let the good feelings soak in as you stay with the experience for five to 20 seconds.

As always, I would love to hear from you.

With love,

Theresa

If you found today’s post helpful, please comment and share.

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Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, Workshop Facilitator, and author with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  

 

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Focus on the Positive   Leave a comment

We all experience discouragement from time to time. The key, when in the midst of challenge, is learning to focus on the positive.

“If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet.” – Isaac Bashevis Singer

It’s easy to feel frustrated when things don’t go our way, or take longer than we wish. We may become discouraged, and think that what we long for will never come to pass. Over time, if we don’t change the course of our thinking, the things we tell ourselves will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you would like a different outcome, and one that leads to your success, tell a different story, and shift your focus to your wins.

THIS WEEK’S TNT

Keep a journal of all that’s going well.

At the end of every day, add a daily entry.

It will help to change your focus and increase your happiness and energy.

Need some ideas? Here are a few to get you started:

You:

Caught an early bus, and made it to work on time!

Saw a friend you hadn’t seen in a while and enjoyed a lovely visit.

You saw a job posting in your field of interest, and filled out an application.

The sun was shining!

You took loving care of your body, and ate a nourishing meal.

You spoke up for yourself at a meeting.

Your car started!

Get the idea?

Experiment!

Try it for a month. Then, notice any changes in your outlook and your life.

It doesn’t matter how large or small the good things you notice are.

The benefits are yours to enjoy, and will come with daily practice.

With love, Theresa

Need help changing your thoughts and words?

“Alphabet Affirmations: Transform Your Life and Love Yourself” is an empowering process that can help you change your thoughts and create greater health, happiness, and fulfillment.

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Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing Practitioner, Author, and Workshop Leader with more than 25 years’ experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create greater health, happiness and fulfillment. She is trained in positive psychology, neuroscience, practical spirituality, among other modalities.

Connect with me on:

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool): It’s Okay   Leave a comment

“When you finally accept that it’s okay not to have answers, and it’s okay not to be perfect, you realize that feeling confused is a normal part of what it is to be human.”  – Winona Ryder

It’s okay to feel how we feel.

It’s okay if you feel afraid.

It’s okay if you feel lonely.

It’s okay if you feel frustrated.

It’s okay if you feel angry.

It’s okay if you feel resentful.

It’s okay if you feel like things aren’t working out the way you planned.

It’s okay…

When we accept, rather than resist, how we feel,  we make room for the feelings to shift, and for peace and balance to follow.

 

THIS WEEK’S TNT:

When you are feeling upset or tense, notice the sensations in your body.

Do you have a headache?

Are you experiencing pain in your neck, back, or shoulders?

Do your muscles feel tight?

Are you clenching your jaw?

Does your stomach hurt?

Are you experiencing other physical or emotional symptoms?

Take a deep breath and acknowledge your feelings.

It’s the first step on your path to recovery.

Acknowledging your feelings will help you reconnect to yourself, and allow solutions to follow.

As always, I would love to hear your comments about how this week’s TNT worked for you and what it is you discovered.

With love, Theresa

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Are you in transition?

Would you like help addressing an issue you’ve been grappling with?

Is there a goal or dream you would like to fulfill and would like support in moving forward? It would be my pleasure to speak with you. Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. Available internationally by Skype and U.S. telephone.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool): Change Your Thinking, Change Your Brain   Leave a comment

Dear Friends,

Did you know you could increase your sense of happiness by focusing on experiences, in the past or present, that brought or bring you pleasure?

Experts estimate that we have between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day, and most of them are repetitive! You’ve likely heard the phrase “what you focus on grows.” Research now tells us the science behind it is accurate.

Neurons that fire together wire together. In layman’s terms (which I’m still learning!) means that our repetitive thoughts strengthen the neural pathways in our brains, and the beliefs and behaviors that accompany them. The good news is, as we change our thinking, we have the ability to change the hardwiring in our brains.

For instance, science has shown that focusing on positive experiences for as little as 10-20 seconds increases our happiness and improves our health and well-being; things we may have known instinctively, and which researchers are now documenting.

This week, dedicate a few minutes throughout the day to reflect on pleasurable experiences – past or present – and soak in the good feelings for 10 to 20 seconds. Then take a moment to notice any changes to your energy or mood.

As you continue to practice, noticing positive moments will become natural, and help you to create a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life!

Give it a try! It might brighten your day!

As always, I would love to hear from you. Drop a note to let me know it goes!

With love,

Theresa

If you know someone who would find this post helpful, please share.

Want more happiness in your day?

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a 30-minute complimentary coaching consultation.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  To learn more, visit Theresa’s website or email her at Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) How To Resolve Your Conflicts And Get On With Your Life   Leave a comment

Preamble

Conflict can be tricky. We want peace in our relationships, but what price are we willing to pay? Being true to who we are is a crucial element for maintaining our health and the integrity of our relationships. Today’s TNT provides 10 tips to help you resolve your conflicts, so you can let go of resentments and move on with your life.

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) How To Resolve Your Conflicts And Get On With Your Life

“If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” – W. Somerset Maugham

Addressing conflict can be scary and elicit feelings of doubt and insecurity. We may be afraid of damaging our relationships if we say what we truly think and how we feel.  However, when we are truly present and honest, we provide an opportunity for our for relationships to deepen and flourish.  Knowing how and when to express ourselves creates a foundation of confidence on which we can stand.

Here are 10 tips that will help you resolve conflict, let go of resentments, and get on with your life

      1. Be Direct.  Speaking directly to the person involved, rather than complaining to friends, may feel frightening, but is the first step in the process of clearing the air and resolving conflict. Being direct will also help you feel empowered as you learn to assert yourself.

     2.  Timing. Plan to talk to the person at a mutually agreed upon time. Talking when tired,  in a hurry, or in the midst of other activities will sabotage, rather than support, your conversation. Let the person know you have something on your mind you would like to talk about and decide on a convenient time. Let them know they’re not in any trouble, which will help to relieve any fear or apprehension.  (Resolving conflict isn’t about blame – it’s about sharing your feelings and experience.)

     3.  Plan Ahead. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.  Focus on the issue at hand and how it affects you.  Stay away from blame and judgment. Practice in the mirror, or with your coach or therapist, if needed.

     4.  Be Conversational Rather Than Confrontational: Ridiculing, blaming or antagonizing severs communication and makes it difficult for the person involved to hear you. State the facts and how it the situation affects you.  Speak slowing in short sentences, rather than telling a story.  (See Step #5 for an example.)

     5.  Provide Information. Providing information, and how the situation affects you, will help prevent an argument and keep the conversation focused on the facts. For example, instead of saying “You have no consideration. You always slam the door in the morning and wake me up” say “When you slam the door on your way out of the house in the morning, it wakes me up and I have a hard time getting back to sleep.” See the difference?

     6.  Be Prepared To Listen. Take a breath and listen to the person’s response. Stay calm, should they feel defensive or be on hyper alert. (After all, they may not have the same tools as you do.)

     7.  Be An Active Listener. Paraphrase what you’re hearing them say. They will need time to talk as much as you do in order to resolve the problem. Give them space to air their thoughts and feelings.  When you show that you’re listening, it will break down the barriers to talking and help them better hear you.  Other strategies including noding your head up and down (not side to side!) to show you understand (not necessarily agree) with what they’re saying. Use phrases, such as Mh hmmm” and “I see. When the person is done talking and feels complete, let them know you appreciate their willingness to discuss the situation.

     8.  Talk It Through And Stay Focused On The Issue.  Feel free to continue the conversation, should there be something more you would like to say when the person has finished talking. Like cleaning a wound, it’s important to address the situation in its entirety so it can be clearly resolved. This will help to prevent any resentment or anger from festering.  Be mindful, however, that this isn’t about dumping issues from the past 10 years. Doing so would be overwhelming and the person would likely feel blamed and defensive. Stay focused on the current issue.

     9.  Collaborate. Once you have each had an opportunity to empty out your feelings and express yourself, collaborate on a mutually agreed upon solution. This can be a bit like brainstorming – throwing out ideas and options until you come up with a plan with which you’re both comfortable.

     10.  Test It Out.  Agree to follow up at a designated time to see how the solution is working. Be opened to creating an alternate solution or tweaking the one you have.

Good luck! And, as always, I would love to hear your comments. Just click on the “Leave A Comment Tab” at the top of the page.

With love,

Theresa

Need help resolving a conflict in your life? It would be my pleasure to speak with you.

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. It would be my pleasure to speak with you.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  To learn more, visit Theresa’s website or email her at Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Forgiveness: Moving From Darkness To Light   Leave a comment

Preamble

Forgiveness is a powerful practice.  As we let go of resentments, and the people we feel have hurt us, or caused harm to those we love, our lives are transformed as we free ourselves to receive a greater flow of love, joy, health and abundance.

This week’s TNT provides a three-step process to help you let go of the past and open your heart.

If you are on my email list, don’t forget to keep your eyes out on Sunday, February 14, for this week’s blog, and my special Valentine’s Day treat!

With love,

Theresa

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Forgiveness: Moving From Darkness To Light

“Forgiveness is the key to happiness.”

– A Course in Miracles, Lesson 121

As I was contemplating this week’s TNT, the practice of forgiveness came to mind. I’ve written on the topic several times, as it’s a key ingredient for happiness. As I sat at my desk, I felt compelled to share on it again.

I once heard Marianne Williamson, who lectures on A Course in Miracles say, “resentments are like a thin slice of hate.” Although I heard the quote over 20 years ago, the image made such an impression that it continues to stay with me.

Having worked in the healing field for more than 30 years, I am well aware, from my own processes, and those of my clients, that the body responds to resentments like a tight rope around one’s neck. They off our circulation and limit the flow of Life’s Good into our experience. Forgiveness is often confused with condoning someone’s behavior. Nothing is further from the truth. Forgiveness is a practice we do to free ourselves, and in so doing, our health and well-being are subject to improve.

Feelings of animosity can be hard to admit, let alone, sit with. However, the first step in releasing resentments is honesty. Like casting light onto darkness, it is imperative to acknowledge whatever feelings are lurking beneath the surface before we feel a sense of relief and freedom. While it is not necessary to share your feelings with others, being honest with yourself is crucial.

This 3-Step Process will help you to let go of the past and open your heart.

Like any practice, you may need to repeat it multiple times before you feel complete.

Before you begin, I invite you to set the tone by powering down your phone, lighting a candle, and creating a space that feels safe and inviting. Next, take a few deep breaths and envision yourself embraced in a warm and loving light. Know that you are safe and cared for. Then follow the outline below.

Step 1: Begin by asking yourself the following question. You can write it in your journal or, if you prefer, speak and answer it aloud. Choose whichever method feels most comfortable.

“Who do I need to forgive and why?”

Step 2: Trust your intuition and go with the first person or situation that comes to mind. It may be an individual, a political group, a government or an organization. Then, state what you forgive them for. Be sure to be specific. Use the following sentence as your model:

The person I need to forgive is _________.  I forgive you for___________.

You may feel multiple resentments for the same person. If so, repeat the sentence until you feel complete. Allow yourself to sit with any feelings that may emerge in the process. Like toxins stored in the body, the anger, disappointment or sadness needs to be released.

Step 3: When you feel ready, complete the process by saying the following statement or create one of your own that helps you release the situation and let go:

(State the person’s name)_____________, I now bless you and release you to your Highest Good and I am freed to mine. (Add anything else that you feel guided to say.)

As you complete the practice, notice how you feel in your body. Let that be the key that informs your future actions.

As always, I would love to hear your comments and the results of the exercise, should you choose to use it.

With love,

Theresa

© Theresa Conti 2016

If there someone in your life you would like to forgive and would like support with the healing process, it would be my pleasure to serve you.

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com and schedule a complimentary consultation.

Reference: “Love and Forgiveness,” by Leonard Shaw, M.S.W.

Disclaimer: Please note that this three-step process may bring up feelings that are painful and uncomfortable. As with any exercise, the choice to use it is at your own risk and is your personal responsibility.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients transform their stress into harmony and balance, so they can realize their dreams, and live healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  To learn more, visit Theresa’s website or email her at Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page

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