Archive for the ‘Confidence’ Tag

Sowing Seeds of Happiness   Leave a comment

Preamble

I wrote the original version of this post back in August 2013. Amazing how time flies! Since then I’ve learned a lot more about the power of the brain and how it’s conditioned to tilt toward the negative based on our ancestors’ needs for survival; something that kept them on constant alert for oncoming threats and danger. Their need for protection was prominent, and therefore the reaction to potential danger to fight or flee was hardwired into the brain for the purpose of keeping them safe; something the brain continues to do today even when theres’s no real threat of danger. It’s no wonder that many of us struggle in pursuit of our dreams and goals, or are afraid to make changes because we’re conditioned to think the worst. This is known as the brain’s “negativity bias.”

I am so grateful for the HEAL process, developed by Dr. Rick Hansen, and the growth I’m seeing in myself, and others, based on the principles of experience dependent neuroplasticity (also known as Positive Neuroplasticity); a simple, yet powerful process that helps us grow inner resources for safety, satisfaction and connection so we can better meet life’s challenges and enjoy greater health, happiness and fulfillment.

SOWING SEEDS OF HAPPINESS

“All that I am is the result of all that I have thought.” – Buddha

It’s amazing how fast time flies, and how our dreams and goals, and the changes we wish to make often get sidetracked by the thoughts we think, the beliefs we hold, and the rationale that we’ll get to them someday. If this sounds familiar to you, don’t let your thoughts and beliefs hijack you!

Every word we speak, and every thought we think, has a powerful and corresponding effect. Whether we know it or not, we are constantly creating our own reality through our thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. Moreover, when we react to conditions and situations in our lives, the brain behaves as though we are in danger and strives to keep us safe.

For instance, let’s say you want to learn how to dance, but your mind tells you all the reasons you shouldn’t do it: “You won’t know anyone in the class, ” “you’ll  make a fool of yourself,” “you’ve got nothing to wear,” and “it’s too expensive,” etc. In this way, the amygdala, the part of the brain whose job it is to keep us safe, reacts and prompts us to flee, by staying at home and watching a movie by ourselves instead. And so rather than risk trying something new, we may feel lonely and unsatisfied as our dreams and goals are thwarted.

Alternatively, we can respond to life’s challenges by learning how to calm the nervous system and help the brain learn from positive facts and experiences. As we do, we create new neural pathways within the circuitry of the brain, which lead to a greater sense of well-being, joy and contentment.

Let’s redo our dance scenario. Let’s say, once again, you want to learn to dance. You still feel anxious and nervous about talking the class, but this time you recognize the brain’s bias toward negativity and its function to protect and  keep you from what it perceives as danger. Instead of reacting to the situation and staying at home to watch a movie, you respond by drawing on the inner resources you’ve developed for safety, satisfaction and connection. In this case, growing resources of calmness, confidence and feelings of belonging may have helped you feel more relaxed and comfortable about about taking the dance class. As neurons that fire together wire together, over time, you would be helping the brain learn from the new experience.

A final note: Please note that the practice isn’t about denying what’s happening within or around us. It’s about becoming mindful of our needs and growing inner resources that help us better meet life’s challenges. In doing so we create greater happiness for ourselves, for others, and for the world.

THIS WEEK’S TIP ‘N TOOL:

 SOWING SEEDS OF HAPPINESS

Change starts with mindfulness…

This week, without judging your thoughts, or yourself, simply notice the thoughts you’re thinking and the feelings they elicit. Be mindful of what they’re telling you. Ask yourself if they’re really true.

Next…

Try calming your nervous system by putting your right hand on your heart and taking several deep breaths. Let your exhale be longer than your inhale. Repeat this exercise until you feel a little calmer.

Choose a Resource…

Ask yourself what resource would be helpful to meet the challenge you’re experiencing.

Try this…

For example, let’s say you’ve been feeling insecure, afraid and timid. To match the resource to the situation, you might choose to grow confidence.

Begin by taking a few breaths, and relax as you let go and feel supported by the chair beneath you. As you breathe, and feel yourself relax, let go of any remaining tension. Then, as you’re ready, visualize or think of a time, or times, you felt confident.

Notice the sensations in your body, and any thoughts you may have in support of your feeling confident as you watch the experience play out in your minds eye. If opposite emotions or thoughts come up, know that’s natural and bring your attention back to the experience of feeling confident.

If you’re not visual, or have trouble visualizing, think of a time you felt confident and what that feels like in your body.

Enrich the experience by making it bigger. For instance, notice the details – where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, how the air feels on your skin, etc.

Then, let the sensations you’re experiencing as you visualize or think about the situation flow down into your body, like a sponge soaking in water. Stay with the sensations for 5 to 20 seconds or longer. Let yourself absorb and enjoy the experience.

When you’re ready, open your eyes.

Then, as you go through the course of your day, be aware times you feel encouraged, hopeful and assured, and once again, let the good feelings of the positive experience flow down into your body.

 When done consistently, you will help the brain to learn from the new experience, and over time, the tendency to tilt to the positive will become more natural.

Good Facts…

Look for good facts that support your feeling confident. For instance,, notice the things you do well, or the things you accomplish as you go about your day.  Then soak in the good feelings.

***Note that absorbing the good feelings into your body for as little as five to 10 seconds is what will help your brain to learn and grow for the better, and is an essential part of the practice.***

For more resources, please check out my books on Amazon.

As always, I’d love to hear about your experience, should you decide to try the process.

With love, Theresa

Connect with me on:

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

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Reducing Holiday Stress: Say “No” to Get to “Yes,” Plus 2 Days Left   Leave a comment

Dear Friends,

Do you find it easy to say “Yes,” to others’ requests, but hard to say “Yes” to yourself?

Do you have a vision or intention for how to spend your holidays, but get hijacked by requests that you have a hard time saying “No” to?

The holidays can be a time of joy and cheer, as well as elicit feelings of stress and pressure.

While we may enjoy all that the holidays offer as we attend parties and other events; decorate our homes; shop for special gifts; visit friends and travel to see relatives and; make our favorite holiday recipes, among other festivities, we can also feel stretched and experience a strain on our time, energy, and financial reserves.

We may rationalize our decision to forgo our own needs, because we don’t want to offend our friends and family members, or risk disapproval from those we love or value.

But saying “No” provides an opportunity for others to grow, and care for themselves, and respect your personal needs.

Here are seven tips, and related questions, to help you gain clarity and take care of yourself this holiday season:

1. Take Inventory

– When are you saying “Yes” when you would rather say “No?”

– Are there particular circumstances or people who present a challenge?

2.  Be Mindful

– How does it feel in your body when you say “Yes” instead of “No?”

– Pay attention to stress and tension.

3.  Is what you fear will happen really true?

– How do you know?

– Is what you’re afraid of happening absolutely true?

– Regardless of what has happened in the past, this is a new moment.

– How can you take care of yourself if what you’re afraid of actually happens?

4.  What is saying “Yes” costing you?

– Are you tired and forfeiting rest?

– Do you have the financial resources to travel or buy expensive presents?

– Do you want to attend the events you’ve been invited to, or go out of obligation and later feel angry or resentful?

– What other costs might there be?

5.  Are you willing to pay the price?

– If you’re answer is “Yes,” do so with awareness. What will the payoffs be?

– If your answer is “No,” what could you do instead” (See #6 below)

6.  Saying “No” takes practice

– If you’re feeling nervous about expressing yourself, you may find it helpful to write down what it is you want to say.

– Then practice with a friend, a coach, or even in the mirror!

7.  Moving Forward

– What qualities do you need to grow inside yourself in order to feel comfortable setting healthy boundaries?

– Reflect on a time you were presented with a challenge and took care of yourself by setting a healthy boundary.

– Notice how the positive sensations feel in your body, and let the feelings flow through you.

– You can also think about how you felt – perhaps you felt a sense of confidence, or felt secure or empowered.

– Let the good feelings soak in as you stay with the experience for five to 20 seconds.

As always, I would love to hear from you.

With love,

Theresa

If you found today’s post helpful, please comment and share.

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Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, Workshop Facilitator, and author with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  

 

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

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Traveling da Sola, Plus Special Announcements   Leave a comment

” Traveling solo does not always mean. you’re alone. Most often, you meet marvelous people along the way and make connections that last a lifetime.” – Jacqueline Boone

Although I’ve gone to many events alone since I was a teenager (concerts, movies, theater), I haven’t always liked traveling da sola. But when I was in my early 30’s, I grew tired of waiting for other people to join me and decided to venture out on my own! So last Sunday, like many other days, I packed my back and set out. This time to someplace local.

It was the first day, in too many to count, that the sun had finally come out. And what a beautiful day it was!

I began by casting my first vote, ever, in Italy’s national elections. As a dual citizen, I have the ability and privilege. It was quite a beautiful experience.

After casting my vote, I decided to hop on a boat and take the 30-minute ride to Muggia, a quaint little town across the Gulf of Trieste, which I periodically like to go to. The air felt warm on my face and hands and the ride was calm and pleasant. I had gone to Muggia just the day before, when a friend took me on a little adventure and showed me a path that stretches for miles along the shore. That’s where I was heading.

The advantage of traveling alone is that you can follow your nose and change direction whenever you feel inspired. I walked for an hour – about three miles – then decided to hop on the #7 bus and go to Lazzaretto – a small town two miles or so down the road. At first glance, it didn’t look like there was much to see, so contemplated returning to Muggia. But aha! I then spotted a sign for Vigna Sul Mar and hopped off the bus just in time – seconds before it returned to Muggia. What a glorious experience it was! I took lots of photos as I walked through the vineyard, shared an apple with a horse I befriended along the way, and later met Mr. Urizio, the vineyard’s owner, with whom I struck up a conversation. Although my Italian language skills are still pretty basic, we had a nice connection. He asked if I wanted to see the cantina where he stores his wine and oil, and of course, I was delighted! And yes, there’s more – as I was leaving, he called to me, and brought me a bottle of olive oil!

Traveling alone is an adventure! While all types of travel can help us expand and learn from each other, traveling da sola is special. It opens doors and provides us with experiences we would likely never have if we were traveling with another.

THIS WEEKS TNT

Up for some adventure, but feel uncomfortable going alone?

TRY THIS:

Choose someplace you would like to go that helps you stretch, but isn’t too far out of your comfort zone.

It could be someplace near or far, someplace new, or a place you would like to return to.

DO YOUR RESEARCH

Look into resources for how to get to and fro, and timetables to help you plan your trip, if needed.

GET SUPPORT

Connect with friends who have traveled alone to get their support and feedback.

GET READY TO GO!

If going on a day trip, consider bringing a day pack with a bottle of water and snacks.

If going further, take clothes that you can mix and match and keep your suitcase light.

When feeling anxious about striking out on your own, start small and build on your successes!

With love, Theresa

WANT TO BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE AND CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE?

ALPHABET AFFIRMATIONS: TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE AND LOVE YOURSELF IS AN EASY TO USE AND EMPOWERING PROCESS THAT CAN HELP YOU REVAMP YOUR MINDSET AND LIVE THE LIFE THAT YOU DESIRE.

HERE’S WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING:

“Theresa’s book and techniques will help guide you on your path to transformation. When you create a life you love and are grateful for your life, mind, body and spirit receive the love message and all benefit.”   Bernie Siegel, M.D., Author of 365 Prescriptions For The Soul 

“A beautiful and simple concept – as easy as ABC! This sweet book offers a creative way to counter the leanings of the mind and provides exercises to stay buoyant and positive — and it offers a section to add even more affirmations to the mix! How cool is that? A great book to have on hand as a reminder that every moment is a new moment and it “affirms” that one can transform their thoughts and their lives in a quick minute. My favorite letter is Q!” – S.G.

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

https://goo.gl/DSEpCY

If would you found this week’s TNT helpful, and would like to support my ongoing work, please visit my Virtual Tip Jar at PayPal.  It’s here:
 paypal.me/Reconnecting2You
Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, Author, and Workshop Facilitator with more 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Be Bold   Leave a comment

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” – Goethe

The term “bold” still scares the bejesus out of me – or at least the part of me that’s afraid of being eaten by tigers! And…the little kid in me who feels afraid of the unknown and wants to feel protected and safe. But that’s not who I am. The former dates back to prehistoric times and is no longer valid. The later stems from childhood and is the part of me that needs comfort and soothing. If you have similar feelings about the word “bold,” the same may be true for you.

Who we are is often more than we give ourselves permission to live up to. Change involves risk – after all, one never knows the future – or the results of the actions we take. Our primary goal is to follow our inner calling and act with confidence and faith (or act as if we have them!), as we take a breath and begin moving forward.

A question I have found helpful for myself, and often ask clients who are unhappy or dissatisfied with their current life experience is:

“What will you regret not having done when you’re lying on your death bed?”

The answer is readily apparent, when we are open to listening. And when we don’t, we will feel out of balance, and may experience depression and physical symptoms.

For me, it meant letting go of my home in New York, selling my belongings, leaving family and friends, and fulfilling my dream of relocating to Italy; re-establishing close and healthy relationships with my family; and, using my gifts and talents to be of greater service in the world. Goethe’s quote is accurate – my life is expanding and my dreams have, and are, coming true. And yours can, too.

It takes guts to move our dreams into action. But that’s what leads to greater happiness, fulfillment and magic. Are you ready to begin?

THIS WEEK’S TNT

Ask yourself:

“What will I regret not having done at the end of my lifetime?”

Write your answer down and place it where you can easily see it.

Reflect on it daily.

Make a list of what it would take to accomplish.

Create an action plan to realize it.

Take the first step and open to the magic.

You’ll know you’re on track when the energy starts flowing.

If you get stuck, reach out to friends, professionals, and colleagues you know will support you.

As always, I would love to hear your comments.

With love,

Theresa

Is there a goal or dream you would like to fulfill and would like support in moving forward? It would be my pleasure to speak with you. Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. Available internationally by Skype and U.S. telephone.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner, and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams and create happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-conti-clc-95b4972b/

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

 

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Just Ask   Leave a comment

Do you ever want to ask for something, but shy away because you are afraid of being rejected? Or that your request is too outrageous? A couple of days ago, I had a wonderful reminder of just how awesome asking can be!

Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool)  Just Ask

Years ago I participated in a four-day program called “On Course,”  a personal development program offered through The Center for Spiritual Living in Seattle. People who attended “On Course” and “EST,” told me the programs were similar, with the exeception of “On Course” being the more spritutal of the two.

One of the modules focused on making requests and asking for what we wanted, regardless of how outrageous we, or others, might think our requests to be. It was quite brilliant! Michael and Paulette Sun, who taught the course, challenged us to stretch our comfort zones and ask for what we really wanted, rather than asking for second best. The caveat was that we let go of our attachments and to be willing to hear whatever answer we received – which could be “yes,” “no,” or a negotiated verson of our requests. I felt liberated and took it to heart and ran with it. However, I must confess, being human, there have been times I’ve forgotten those words of wisdom and have had a slip or two. Fast forward…

As you may know, I’ve written my first e-book entitled  “Alphabet Affirmations To Transform Your Life and Love  Yourself,” and have gotten some great reviews. A few days ago, I felt inspired to contact Dr. Bernie Siegel (founder of Exceptional Cancer Patients and author of Love, Medicine and Miracles, among other books), and ask for a review. I felt a bit reluctant, after all, he was renowned surgeon and published author.  And then, the better part of me kicked in!  How would I know what his response would be unless I asked?  Astonished, I received a reply within minutes and got an awesome review later that day.

The next time you’re hestiant to ask for something “big,” take a breath, get support, if needed, then go ahead and do it! You may hear “yes,” “no,” or receive an alternative response. If you keep an open mind, a postive outlook, and let go of the outcome, the answer may surprise you!

With love,

Theresa

As always, I would love to hear your comments.

Click on the “Leave a Comment” tab at the top of the page to share them.

Disclaimer: Please note that the exercises provided are used at your own risk and are your personal responsibility.

 

Would you like to bolster your confidence and make more authentic requests”

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. It would be my pleasure to speak with you.

 

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  To learn more, visit Theresa’s website or email her at Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Making Life Changes   Leave a comment

Most of us are in the process of change. Change can elicit a variety of feelings, which can either prompt us to move forward or keep us feeling anxious and stuck. Whether our desired changes are “large” or “small,” we may hesitate to implement them.

You may feel excited, exhilarated, scared, apprehensive, or may be experiencing a combination of feelings as you consider your desired change. Here are several questions that will help you clarify your process and muster the confidence and courage to move forward:

  1. What have you always wanted to do, but are afraid of doing?
  2. What would be the benefit of making your desired change?
  3. What beliefs, ideas or feelings are holding you back from making the desired change?
  4. What is the payoff for maintaining the status quo?
  5. How would your life be different if you were make the desired change?
  6. On a scale from 1 – 10, (10 is the highest), how committed are you to making this change?
  7. What means of support, or other factors, do you need to have in place in order to make the desired change?
  8. What is one step you could take this week to move forward?

If you would like support moving forward on your path, it would be my pleasure to speak with you.

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com for a free 30-minute consultation

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  To learn more, visit Theresa’s website or email her at Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page

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Theresa’s TNT (Tip ‘N Tool) Celebrate Your Success   Leave a comment

This week marked my fifth anniversary as a Reconnective Healing Practitioner. While the work has made a huge difference in my life, and in the lives of many of my clients, I would have completely overlooked the date had I not received email from colleagues and clients congratulating me.

It’s easy to neglect our own successes. We may shrug them off or take them for granted and, in doing so, miss out on opportunities to acknowlege the work and accomplishments we have achieved.

Take a moment to celebrate your successes. Beginning an exercise program, changing your diet, cleaning a room or having more fun are all worthy of your time and attention. Soak in the good feelings and acknowledge yourself for a job well done. It will elevate your mood, bolster your confidence and, like medicine, improve your immune system.

Need help realizing your goals?

Email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com to schedule a 30-minute complimentary consultation.

Theresa Conti is a Certified Life Coach, Reconnective Healing® Practitioner and Workshop Facilitator with more than 25 years experience. Theresa specializes in helping her clients manage their stress, realize their dreams, and create healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.  To learn more, visit Theresa’s website or email her at Theresa@reconnecting2you.com

Website: www.reconnecting2you.com

Facebook at: www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Reconnecting2Yo

 Yelp: http://goo.gl/1I8BNy

To sign up for Theresa’s mailing list, email Theresa@reconnecting2you.com or click the “Join My List” icon on her Facebook page

www.facebook.com/Reconnecting2you

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